I'm going crazy

Okay it's been barely a minute and I'm blogging again. I think I'm going crazy. I just want to go home already. I'm so tired of everything now.

I just want to go home.

I don't like these memories assaulting my mind. They fill me with so much sadness and regret and I can't help thinking that things would have been different if only I took the time to meet her or him.

'Cause what do you say now that everything is over? What do you say now that the past is gone forever?

I miss you?

That doesn't even cover it. That doesn't cover anything. I'm covered and dying.

I am so sorry. So damn sorry.

Today is just not a good day to be out man. It's just emo day for me. Probably hormones and shit dammit. How else can I explain myself? Cause this behaviour I have is really fucking irrational now.

I'm so scared sometimes I don't want to look to the future.

You know the feeling when you know you have to let go of your past to move into the future?

It fucking hurts and I hate that part the most. I still don't want to let go of everything because they mean so much to me but if I let them hold me back I'll be dead.

I had a friend suggest that I consume alcohol instead of cutting. I told him no because I knew it didn't work cause that fucking day on my fucking 18th birthday that was what I was trying to do but I failed and no matter how much I drank I just couldn't forget.

Hahaha. We're all addicts. We're just of different sorts.

Relationships?
Love?
Pain?
Sadness?

We're all addicted to feelings. I'm just sinking into ones of sadness.

Sometimes I wish I have a panic attack just so that something can finally happen with this crippling fear overwhelming me instead of it just being there.

Fuck.