scrabbled thoughts

I'm sorry for the things that I have done, sorry that it took me so long to realise what's wrong and I hate that with each time that this happens, I lose more of me away and that makes me scared because I know that though the light will be shining through at the end of the tunnel, there would be no point in that if I wasn't there to greet it.

I guess I'm afraid of shattering into a million pieces and never being able to piece myself back together.

"He hears, yet he does not hear. The words seem foreign to him. Once comprehensible, they now were incredibly vague and far away. Where is he? Is he still in his bunk sitting on his bed? Are his feet still firmly planted on the ground? He tries to wiggle his toes but he cannot feel them from here. He supposes they must be there; either that or they have rotten off his foot. Or feet, how can one ever be sure?

Oh. He exhales a breath of air. He gets it now. He is gone! Like the dandelion carried by the wind, he has dispersed into the thin air, with bits and pieces flying all over until there is nothing left in the air but him. He is everywhere. He sees the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Great Wall of China, Taj Mahal in India, and the Grand Canyon in all its glory. He is there now, sitting over the edge of the cliff as he contemplates the drop below. His eyes are glazed over as he listens to the abyss beneath his gaze calling out to him.

He opens his eyes. The stupid birds will not stop chirping. They continue chirping over the din and it is starting to annoy him. No matter how incredibly dark and noisy the abyss is, it pales in comparison to the horrible tunes the birds are singing. Where do the birds come from any way? He glares at the trees beyond the distance. The birds are disrupting the silence and they are ruining every moment of tranquillity he has. Who do they think they are?

He looks down at the abyss and thinks of the birds. No, there is no hesitation. Lifting up his foot, he takes his final plunge,

And he wakes to darkness."

A short excerpt from my own fanfic because I drew a lot on my own feelings to write this bit. Maybe it'll be easier to comprehend if it's being placed like this or rather typed like this.

I'm sorry, my thoughts are all over the place and I probably don't make a lot of sense.

I'm ending it here then. Goodbye.