annoyed @-@

V doesn't want to join us for lunch because my ex crush J is joining us. I understand his reasons. He had enough of army talk and it isn't like I gave J a good reputation either.

Still, it annoys me, that he would say he's not gonna come just because of J. Can't he show me some face? Like just give me a break?

They wanted to skype yesterday: V with the clique and all, but I didn't want to, so I ignored V2's messages and texts. I just didn't want to talk to anyone last night. Didn't even want to go home but I had no choice. My phone battery was dying.

And now here I am, on the bus to meet B, J and maybe V2. I don't know if V2 will come or not. I guess right now I just really can't be bothered. (I may have hurt V's feelings when I told V to pass the phone back to V2, but V was just making snide remarks about J and it wasn't something that I wanted to hear.)

I'm so fed up with this.

Friendships are a bitch to work with. Some days, I rather have none, and it doesn't help that I have CG tomorrow, doesn't help that it's my turn to confront another source of conflict in my life.

I just want a break man; a well-deserved break from all these thoughts in my head. People still don't get it till now. I'm raising up objections but I'm not expecting to see changes. I get it. Nothing I say will matter anyway so why do I bother? I haven't finished my follow up sessions. I haven't been fervently praying for my friends even though I want them to get saved. I haven't been doing anything remarkable at all and now I'm tired. Why do I have to keep fighting with myself, fighting with my friends, fighting with my acquaintances, fighting with everyone in general? Don't they understand? I'm just one human. There's only so much I can take before I break and fall apart.

I already have a war in my head. I don't need another war with you too.

I wish everyone will just leave me alone.