do it

I can feel my mind begging my heart to just sleepitoff sleepitoff sleepitoff sleepitoff but what my mind doesn't know is that that's fucking impossible and even as I'm typing this my heart's straying to the penknife in the distance and all I wanna do is cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut. I don't even know what I'm thinking or what I'm even doing anymore. I just want out of this life, out of this thought and out of everything else. Watching everyone being so positive on tumblr is not encouraging me at all. Seeing all the bloody cut up wrists and thighs are just beckoning me to just fucking do it. DO it. But I can't, cause I made a bloody promise and I'll hate myself more if I break it but what the fuck? Who cares? WHY do I have to suffer through this without relief? It's just fucking relief right? Like sports that release stress, self-harm is therapeutic. Isn't there that darn scientific article that published this theory and proved it right? So I can do it right? DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT.

do it do it do it do it do it do it.

doit.

why the fuck am I still hesitating over this what the fuck.

this isn't being courageous or fighting till the end or whatever crappy phrase exists in this planet. this is just fucking cowardice and cowardice and cowardice and cowardice.

I need a fix so bad, like fucking hit me already.