It's so hard sometimes to look at the world around me and believe in positivity. It's so tough to fight the thoughts in my head. Sometimes I really wish I'll go away.

In one of our lectures today, this quote was mentioned:

"I feel that so much of my dad is in me I have no room in me for me."

I agreed with that quote, though for my sake it'll probably be:

"I feel that so much depression is in me I have no room in me for me. And soon, I forget how to be me."

But all is not lost. I've stopped cutting for two days now. *claps* I don't know if this 'clean' period will last but for now, I'm thankful. At least I didn't sin that sin today.

But my thoughts can't help but stray to that bloody assignment I fucked up. Everytime I close my eyes, it's there. 25% just gone like that. I can't ever forgive myself for that mistake. I don't see a reason to. Yet, it's so natural for me to screw up I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore.

I'm trying to rise above these choppy waters. I'm reaching out to contact my friends and actually meet them but sometimes, though, sometimes it's all just a little too much.

I'm suffocating but I'm still struggling to breathe.

I hope I don't give up, only for the sake of others who care and love me.