Nothing

I JUST WASTED FUCKING FOUR HOURS OF MY LIFE AND I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING.

My friend managed to finish the draft of her essay and what? Here I am, with nothing. It doesn't help that I'm feeling even more tired than before. Doesn't help that I'm feeling much lousier now. I wasted all those time that I could have spent sleeping on fucking nothing.

My brain is just so tired now I swear. So many assignments, so many presentations... I'm fucking drowning that's what.

Time for myself? Ha. I don't know why I even think of it. I never have time for myself these days. Every part of me is always given to others, to society, to expectations, to disappointments and to love.

"Love others?"

Don't kid me. Do you really think it's that easy? Struggling to remind myself everyday that life is not about academics when that has been my life motto for the past few years? If it was that easy, I would have gotten rid of it long ago, but it's not, and it still feels like a battle everyday and that fucking sucks.

I know, most of my "busy-ness" comes from my poor time management, but is it really my fault that I'm trying to meet everyone all at once? Is it? So much time is taken up by school on the weekdays already, am I supposed to allocate more time on the weekends for it? Where is the logic in that?

I'm so tired. Got a presentation and a draft outline to hand in tomorrow and the thought of it just terrifies me. Well, it actually doesn't. I lied. Nothing terrifies me anymore. I lose fear when I am overwhelmed by fatigue.

The night is dark, so dark that the moon now seems brighter. An optimistic person will regard this as a beacon of hope. A pessimistic person will see the overwhelming darkness in comparison to that tiny speckle of light. I don't know which I see now, but all I feel is darkness surrounding me, drawing me closer to them.

I'm so damn sick of waking up early. I just want a damn break from this, but I can't. 'Cause this is my choice and I have no other way but to stick with it. Sometimes I wish I didn't care though, life's not worth anything if it's supposed to feel like this. It's like Beckett's Endgame, struggling to find meaning in the meaningless game of life will never ever lead you to your checkmate. We're forever doomed to this state of nothingness.

We're just nothings.