Promises

I feel the tension vibrating throughout my veins and the itch just crawling under my skin. I hear the voices screaming in my head and the reasonable one just shaking everything off.

Like it's that easy.

It just suddenly struck me how easy it is for me to die, how no one will suspect anything is amiss since I always return home late and it won't matter anyway. And yesterday, I let the idea really take hold of me and instead of scaring me it liberated me, that I could finally have control over something that was controlling me all this while.

I promised though that I had to live till 21 no matter what happens. I promised that I'll exhaust all my options before even thinking of something like suicide.

I promise I'll contact the school's counsellor if this persists throughout the week,

But what are my promises worth any way?

I always break the ones I can't keep.