new way

I just read N's blog.

You're not a coward because you do not feel the pain. You're courageous because you feel despite the lack of pain.

I didn't say how cheap penknifes are being sold at Giant these days. It astonishes me when the world seems to encourage my bad habits.

I didn't buy it in the end, not because I didn't desire to cut, but because I didn't think it was worth it anymore.

I need to find a new way.

Lately, I've been thinking of cigarette burns. Or even razors or big knives that cut through my skin like a knife through butter. Maybe that will up the game. Make it more painful so I don't see the mess inside.

Other times, I just want a good old-fashioned bottle of pills. Make it all end and drown all the voices within.