tired

I used to always keep these thoughts in my head but now that I'm blogging them down, I feel more relieved than ever.

Sometimes, I still feel like I woke up in an alternate reality, that if I go back to sleep this instant, I'll wake up as a vet tech student, getting ready to go to TP for school.

I'm starting to feel less afraid of everything else. I think it's because I've stopped caring. Writing...? Well, bring it on. It isn't the first time I've written something horrible anyway.

During one of the lessons on Tuesday, we were asked about the last piece of writing that we wrote. I chuckled in my heart. My last piece of writing was this blog post.

The teacher broke us into groups and invited us to discuss our writings. Here's the conversation I had with fellow strangers in my course:

Xx: So what was the last writing that you did, Amelia?

Me: I wrote a blog entry since I do blogging and stuff.

Xx: That's cool! So who do you write for?

Me: My friends? I write to update them about my life.

Xx: So is your blog public or private?

Me: I have a public and a private blog.

Haha. Isn't that the irony? What I didn't tell her was that the public blog was meant for me to pen down all my depressing thoughts while my private blog was meant for my friends to bask in the cheerfulness of my false identity.

I'm feeling tired of this. I tried to study yesterday but I don't know what I'm supposed to interpret and I don't know how to answer the tutorial questions either.

My best relief right now is dissociation from reality. It helps me breathe at night though I really wouldn't count it as living.