pathetic

I tried.

It's pretty unbelievable how Fate works out sometimes. I didn't have a blade with me so I took a needle and tried to stab my vein with it. Yet all it earned me was a tiny hole that resembled a cute 'lil mosquito bite. Minutes later, it swelled and now, my skin returns to normal as though nothing fucking happened.

Thank you body. All my efforts for fucking nothing.

I went to 7-11 to get myself a penknife. I was so fed up with needles and their inability to draw blood. Totally planned on doing it until my mom's face flashed in my mind.

So I returned to hall, dumped the fucking penknife on the table and wondered why the fuck is $2.50 an acceptable price for a penknife.

I feel like the world's encouraging my bad habits or something.

Maybe I should really try the cigarettes next time.

P.S. I like how the fucking racist fly disappears when I'm trying to poke myself but appears when I'm trying to study. Thank you fly, you're directly responsible for my death if I ever commit suicide.

P.P.S. I like how the song Staying In Your Light was playing in my head as I bought the penknife:

No one can take me away.
I'm staying in Your light today.

And it's just these two lines that are constantly repeating in my mind like a broken recorder. Maybe it's a sign from God huh? Who knows.