pattern of thoughts

Sometimes, it's all you can do to not have a major breakdown in a public place with everyone staring at you and wondering what the fuck you are doing.

Sometimes it all hangs on a single fraying thread that will unravel itself before it even snaps and breaks away, which is kinda funny because I think our minds actually work like threads.

Threads are made up of tiny small strings weaved together just like the interconnected thoughts we have everyday.

They're strong as a whole and can do incredible things way past their weight. But anyone who sews will tell you that once one strand of thread starts unravelling the rest would follow and there's no saving that thread unless you cut it -- which is probably what I need to do any way.

When I went up to get prayed for yesterday I remembered the leader saying:

God will cause every chain to break in your life and He will change your pattern of thoughts.

Now, these words are of course, typical of a leader to say in a prayer, especially since yesterday's session was about cutting and having faith in God, but it was the word pattern that had me pausing for a bit there as I started to make the connections in my head.

And I made that connection:

Life is like a huge embroidery sheet, and the threads sewn onto it are the thoughts you leave hanging onto it. Whether you choose to contain positivity and have that sheet filled with a variety of colours or if you're feeling negative and that sheet is entirely composed of dull hues, it doesn't matter because that sheet is your life and life is all about the ups and downs. For an excellent pattern on the sheet isn't one composed of vibrant colours but one with both vibrant and dull contrasting colours, onto which the decision lies on me the kind of pattern I want to create on this giant embroidery sheet.

Is it a pattern that will bring joy to others? Is it a pattern that will be remembered for life?
Or a pattern that will let others know that there's nothing wrong with dull hues and vibrancy unless they do not coexist with each other?

*breathes*

I don't know, but I thank God everyday that I'm alive and breathing. Because of Him, my pattern is beautiful and I know that no matter how many dull hues I have, in His eyes that design will always be uniquely gorgeous me.

I will try to remain positive this week. Cheerios!